I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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