The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
