i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
