I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
