When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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