mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I could fuck to npr.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
