There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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