I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize