Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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