In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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