you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize