What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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