Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize