Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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