Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
