Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
