Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
only if we run a train.
done.
birth control should be required to get into college
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize