you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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