i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
