I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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