My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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