Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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