i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
not ubering you a puppy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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