don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
