i don't like sucking hair
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
