my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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