dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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