I am puke
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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