she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
