I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
