everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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