you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
