Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
