I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize