It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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