I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
