I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
