Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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