$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
