I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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