Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
