Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
