The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
