I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
