I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
