God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize