My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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