Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
