I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
