I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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