Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
