My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think my moral compass just broke
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
