just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
