that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
