I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
