I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
