Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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