Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize