It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
