you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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