Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
