it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
