she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
