Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
