Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
