i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
