She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
