I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
