Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
