And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
