eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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