She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had sex on a roof
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
