Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
