Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
