my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
