I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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