best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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