Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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