I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
