jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize