Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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