dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
