I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
