I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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