I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have aggressive nipples.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
