You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
