I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize