she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
