I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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