The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
