I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
whose ass print is on the piano?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize