so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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