I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
