Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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