Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i believe in u and ur pee
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
