How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
sex in a hospital.. check
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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