That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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