Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
