If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
