In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
