i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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