I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
