If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
