He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
