Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
