What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
