Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
