after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
