So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
