I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
