i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
