3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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