By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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