I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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