Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
