Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How does one acquire holy water?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
