My girlfriend figured out who you are.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
