It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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